“Don’t blame the sinner, “whispered the cloaked figure, bending over the terrified, supine girl, a dagger poised over her heart.
“CUT!” shouted the Director.”Robert, for Pete’s sake put some menace into that whisper. You sound like you have a bunch of tadpoles jammed up your throat!”
The unit sniggered. This kind of scenario was common when Robert was shooting.
Robert shuffled his feet, looking like an errant school boy, embarrassment writ large on his angelic features. His face was his biggest asset and helped him get some bit roles. This time it had been a meatier role as he was playing the Villain.
“Take 22! Let’s roll-Robert, no mistakes this time”, the Director growled at him.
Robert sighed and took his position.
It was drizzling and the streets wore a deserted look.
The inky darkness of the night pressed on from all sides, making visibility poor. The atmosphere burgeoned like a pregnant woman, on the verge of giving birth to some evil spawn.
Through the gloom, the lights looked almost feral.
The dark figure stood in front of the cottage in the second lane. There was something about the stance which made even the street dogs stay away. The hood was drawn over the head and there was no trace of anything below-as if darkness had swallowed it whole, leaving behind an empty shell.
A woman‘s silhouette could be seen through the lacy curtains on the window. She was reading.
After a while, the figure moved and disappeared into the house through the shadows.
The figure entered the room and silently went and stood behind the woman. Sensing a movement, she turned and opened her mouth to scream but before she could, the figure held her swan like neck and snapped it and her head lolled.
Picking up the body, the figure moved out of the house and dumping it beside the neighbour’s garage,walked away.
He is 10. He has been naughty and so has been sent to his room. But there is a party at the house and he loves parties and good food. So he decides to slink into the dining hall before the guests arrive. As he enters the passage leading to the dining room, he hears strange noises from his parent’s bedroom and peeks in. He is surprised first and then angry to see his Uncle and Mom kissing each other. Then his heart jumps to his throat as he hears them plotting his Dad’s murder. That night he hides and watches helplessly as his handsome Dad sips the poisoned wine, standing under his favourite painting, “The Chess Queens”.
When the Police arrive, well placed clues lead them into believing that the butler has a hand in this murder and so he is jailed.
His mother acts the bereaved wife perfectly, looking oh so fragile and heart -broken. To him, she looks eerily like the lady in the black gown and veil in his father’s favourite painting.
Ironic, for soon she will look like the ghostly white one standing opposite the lady in black.
Six years later, he kills his Uncle in the same manner and manages to pin the murder on his mother. She rots in jail for a murder she did not commit, mourning for her lost love, yet unable to express her grief openly. He enjoys seeing her lose her rosy hue and gradually become ashen and frayed, falling to pieces like a moth eaten blanket.
Vengeance is his.
Growing up, he realizes that there are more Moms and Uncles in this world than he cares for and they all need to be taught a lesson.
Sometimes it is his angelic face and at others his bumbling manner which makes the needle of suspicion always point elsewhere-lucky Robert!
This is written for speakeasy writing challenge #149.For this week’s challenge we were required to use the following sentence as the FIRST line: “Don’t blame the sinner.”Secondly, we had to let the artwork above ,”“The Chess Queens,” by Muriel Streeter, influence our writing and last but not the least ,submissions had to be fiction or poetry and be under 750 words.(mine is 633,including the title).If you are interested in reading more submissions or joining the challenge,click on this link- http://www.yeahwrite.me/speakeasy/149-open/
Talk about building the suspense! Well done! First time at your blog and I am so happy to have found you through the Speakeasy. Love the story being woven so skilfully!
Thank you so much Shailaja-am so glad it appealed 🙂
I love your choice of words Atreyee. The ten year old remembered how his father died and made sure to take revenge. What a story! Bravo!
Aww Ranu,thank you so much-am glad you think so:-)
Oh wow that was quite something…You have written it beautifully…Excellent story!
Thank you Nabanita:-)
Creepy story! I have to say, the second scene with the figure, your imagery was lovely and excellent choice. That scene was my favorite.
Thank you so much Deanna-that was my favourite too-it seemed to have a life of its own:-)
So many memorable lines! I particularly loved, “Through the gloom, the lights looked almost feral.” That’s awesome! Great job!
Aww,thank you Aisha-so glad you liked it 🙂
Completely unexpected twist 🙂
Thank you for the read and for liking that twist 😉
I enjoy your stories, Atreyee! I cracked up at the ‘tadpoles in the throat’ description. I like how you broke Robert’s story up into segments, like the pieces of a puzzle, we finally know at the end some events that make Robert who he is. (I have to say, I wasn’t sorry that he framed his mother in his uncle’s death… they kind of got what they deserved!)
Your comment made me lol Janna-love how you see what I hope my readers will see xx
Ooh, wonderfully creepy! Love the fragmented feel to this. And this line “the atmosphere burgeoned like a pregnant woman” is just excellent! Awesome take on the prompts, Atreyee! 🙂
Thank you so much Suzanne-I was a little disappointed with my story not going the way I wanted it to -ah well,as long as you and other reader liked it ,he!he!
Wow! This was great. I really loved this line, “The atmosphere burgeoned like a pregnant woman, on the verge of giving birth to some evil spawn.” That seriously captured my attention. I like that the story skipped around a bit until at the end all the pieces came together. This was some fantastic writing.
Oh,thank you so much Eric-am glad you thought it came together-now I am stuck with the other challenge-some 16 hours to go and my original idea has fallen flat,lol!
Go to a nearby park and walk around for a bit. It works for me. 😉
So late at night?LOL!Will wait for everyone to sleep-then put my thinking cap on -can’t hear myself think with so much going on around me 😛
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Oh my God!!!I can’t believe it-wow!Look at me jumping-yipee!Thank you so much to all those who voted for my story and for all the reads and likes-am on cloud 9 😀
Congrats on second place!! I’m happy for you… it’s well-deserved 🙂
Thanks a ton Janna-without the support of well meaning friends like you and a few others,it would not have been possible-am really feeling blessed and elated-it has boosted my morale and confidence so much:-)
Congratulations Atreyee, I am thrilled for you. Wow second place how nice!
Thank you so much Ranu-am so thrilled-my first big win-it really has given me confidence–am so grateful to all of you who read,liked and voted for my piece:-)Just submitted a 999 word piece for another contest-was almost on the verge of giving up-finally managed to cook up something,lol!Ebar jabo ghumote 🙂
Congrats on your win… well deserved for your captivating story. Shade of King Lear mixed in with Stephen King…brilliant!
Thank you so much Joanne-you give me too high a praise but coming from a friend I will accept that humbly-SK is my fav 😀