Gone with the mist

Write on Edge

Image courtesy of Unsplash.

                                                                             Image courtesy of Unsplash.


Gone with the mist


Meghan woke up sweating. Her heart was racing. This was the fourth time this week that she had the same nightmare.

 Beside her, Jimmy, her husband stirred, opened his eyes and smiled.”Already up? What’s the time?”

Meghan propped herself on her elbow and peered at the table clock. “It is just 5 a.m.You go back to sleep.”

“Where are you going?”

“To get some exercise. Can’t let myself become fat!” She smiled at him mischievously.

Not one to let such an opportunity pass him by, Jimmy retorted,”Come back to bed and let me be the judge of that.”

She laughed, swatting him playfully and before he could react, she slipped past his grasping hand, and entered the bathroom.

 Fifteen minutes later she was running at an easy pace, enjoying the fresh morning air and nature’s beauty. She loved the forest and she was glad that Jimmy did too. They had been very lucky to find such a lovely property in the countryside. She was a freelancer and had turned her hobby of photography into her profession. Proximity to the forest gave her ample scope to engage in her hobby and earn both money and fame professionally. Her dream was to work for National Geographic someday. Jimmy was a marine biologist. His work took him away for months but then again, on the flip side, he could be home at a stretch of 30-35 days, like now. Meghan sighed. Life was good.

Halfway across her route, she suddenly became aware of the quietness and was surprised. At this time, the forest just teemed with life! She slowed down and looked around. Her eyes widened. A mist was rolling in. She was filled with a sense of foreboding. She decided to turn back and go home.

As she ran, the mist thickened and she found it hard to see the path. She had hardly gone a few metres, when she felt something grab her ankle, and she fell.

“Ouch!”She cried out involuntarily. She sat up gingerly. The ground seemed squelchy and smelled like rotting dead creatures. Meghan tried to get up but her ankle gave way. She sat there and cursed herself for not bringing her cell phone. How many times had Jimmy cautioned her!

Suddenly, she heard a horrible keening and her blood ran cold. This was the same sound she had been hearing in her nightmare. She could hear something shuffling and dragging itself through the trees-something that she did not want to see. Her heart in her mouth, Meghan started searching for some weapon, knowing very well that whatever was coming, could not be stopped.

Her mind went back to the rumours she had heard in the market- the locals mentioning something about some strange mist which  took over the area every alternate Summer, and changed everything and  that every time, a young woman went missing!

The unbearable stench was making her gag. The keening hurt her ears. Meghan was terrified but she had nowhere to run.

It had arrived.



The above story (500 words)was written for Write on Edge .For more details,rules etc about this site,please click on this url-http://writeonedge.com/2014/01/writing-prompt-2014-week-4/

Writing Prompt: 2014, Week 4

15 thoughts on “Gone with the mist

  1. Spooky, but well written. I liked how you combined her nightmare with the run and what she encountered. I also liked you left me to guess what might happen.

    This story flowed very well for me, with the exception of the one paragraph where you gave a lot of back story. It was just a wee bit too much for me in one paragraph. I found myself skipping to the next paragraph.

    However, the story as a whole was a good short story with interest. I did enjoy it very much:~)

    The way you ended the story was also good. A simple three words with so much in them: “It had arrived.”
    They sent shivers up my spine

    • Thank you Sara for reading and for the concrit:-)In retrospect I totally agree with you-that I packed in too much in that para-that’s what happens when one tries to write with the clock inching towards dawn ,lol! Had I edited and fine tuned it like a seasoned writer would have,I could have possibly woven the back story much more easily with more action-sheesh!

      But so glad you came by to read and am sure with help from writing pals like you and some more years of writing,one day I too will become adept at not making such mistakes:-)

      Will read all the entries tomorrow,including your’s-it is 2a,m here and I have to be up in 4 hours,lol!You have a great day.night and see you soon,tc & God Bless xx

    • Thank you Janna-glad you liked it-this is only my second time on WOE -missed entering last week-and I am a lit wobbly just now but hopefully it will get better as time goes by :-)Ha!ha! Good you did!I think exercise is always bad-in all weathers 😉

  2. You built up tension very well – and didn’t end it with it all just being her nightmare. I agree with the above comment that the paragraph describing her life/backstory detracts from the overall flow of the piece. It doesn’t need to be there. But the ending is wow! It had arrived. Hopefully this story will continue!

  3. Great job with the creepiness factor. I like how it starts out safe and a typical day, and it doesn’t really start getting creepy until the mist rolls in. And the ending is kind of perfect. I felt like the back story was kind of crammed in there, but that’s easily cleaned up in the editing process – or it can be expanded on if this story is ever expanded. And I just used expanded twice. But I’m sure you get my meaning. It was a long night and I might still be half asleep. 🙂

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